


Atychiphobia

by tteotl1718



Series: Loving the Enemy [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Biological Warfare, Clones, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, M/M, Memories, Mind Meld, Moving On, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Repressed Memories, Slow Burn, Team as Family, accidentally in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 01:18:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tteotl1718/pseuds/tteotl1718
Summary: Atychiphobia (n) - the fear of failure; the fear of not being good enough.---Kuron has slowly begun to think of himself as a separate person. Someone not defined by Shiro. Keith's reactions to him help encourage that as well.But for once, it is not Shiro's memories that get him into trouble, but his own. A dark future awaits Kuron - and Keith may choose to not be there for him after all.---Based on the artwork by @theprojectava on tumblr





	Atychiphobia

**Author's Note:**

> atychiphobia - the fear of failure; the fear of not being good enough.

Kuron knew the surface of glass too well. It was an odd thing to know, to acknowledge that he knew. He remembered the first time he had woken up, surrounded by liquid and glass. After a moment of musing that, Kuron gave a pathetic little exhale, the sound amused and disgusted at once. When he first woke up. It had been moments after his birth, if anything. He didn’t have memory from that moment, everything scrambled and disjointed.

But even then, he could remember the glass. Shining, almost glowing in the menacing purple light he had come to despise. He remembered seeing his face for the first time, face smooth and unscarred then. Almost completely untouched.

Almost.

Not seconds later, he remembered the lightning bolts of corrupted quintessence running through him, tearing into him. He remembered screaming into the liquid that surrounded him, the sound muffled and wrong.

Kuron flinched at the memory, feeling a ghost of the pain in his head. He looked ahead of himself now, staring at his new reflection. Clothes given to him by the team, hair cut wrong, a new scar across the nose – a borrowed face.

He took a deep breath, shoulders rising and falling. He focused beyond the glass and stared at the armor behind it, armor he had worn once.

The armor of the Black Paladin of Voltron.

Kuron wasn’t sure why Keith refused to wear it, but every time he thought of asking, Shiro’s thoughts seemed to provide a sufficient enough answer. The memories would just come unbidden now.

_If I don’t make it out of here, I want you to lead Voltron._

_Stop talking like that. You’re gonna make it._

_You’re going to have to control your emotions if you’re going to lead this group someday._

_I thought you were just delirious with pain; why would you make_ me _the leader?_

 _Because I know what you’re capable of._ If _you can learn some self discipline._

_Why are we even talking about this? Nothing is going to happen to you._

Kuron pressed the heel of his hand into his eye, closing them tightly as the memories played out. They too were stolen. Just like his face. Everything within him was stolen, and they had been ever since he had set foot on this castle. Coming here, pretending to be Takashi Shirogane? Leader of the Paladins of Voltron?  He had been sent with a simple mission. Infiltrate Voltron as Shiro. First, test to see if the Black Lion would be responsive to him. That had been a mistake. The Galra’s knowledge of the Lions was so limited and misguided; common thinking was that the lions were merely ships, vessels that were advanced and specified for their combat, able to form Voltron because of a deeper coding within them.

They were so wrong.

Kuron hadn’t spent much time around the lions, but from what he had known and from what he had heard from Coran, that was the worst possible way to describe the lions of Voltron. He stared at the armor. The lions were just as special as the Paladins, five specially selected people. They alone could bond and pilot the lions, unlocking powers in each one that made them stronger as well as the power to form Voltron.  They were something alive, something just beyond the plane of understanding. The Black Lion may have found him for a reason, but it had not been fooled when he had attempted to take the reins back from Keith.  

But the Galra were ready. Kuron also had orders that if his infiltration of the Black Lion had not worked, then he was to target and kill the new Black Paladin. Keith.

Kuron stared at the suit. He felt as if the suit was glaring back at him, reminding him that he was everything and nothing like Shiro. The one Keith really had been looking for. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to kill Keith when he had the chance, ready to execute him in his sleep. Keith hadn’t even made to stop him, just stared. Like he knew Kuron couldn’t do it.

In a small way, that had been Shiro’s fault too.

It had been Shiro’s emotions that influenced Kuron, spreading into his programming. Making Kuron sprout his own connection to the younger man, his own deep rooted affections; that had been because Kuron inherited not only Shiro’s memories but his emotional stance on them as well. The crack in the system when the Galra scientists had set him up, and Shiro had foiled them once more by pushing through that breach.

One more thing about Kuron that was borrowed.

He looked at the armor felt envy filling him up. No matter how much he looked like Shiro, he did not deserve to be the one in that armor. The glass glared back at him, taunting. Kuron may have been Takashi Shirogane’s clone, but he was not the one who would ever get to wear the armor of a Paladin.

He turned around, his footsteps quiet as he tried to make himself as small as he could within the space. He may have been looking into the glass, but Kuron was the reflection hiding in the mirror.

~*~

Keith’s movements were quick and filled with a fire. However, like fire, his movements were unrefined and wild. Kuron dodged a vicious kick, rolling away, spinning and meeting Keith’s punch, the fist slapping into his metal palm.

He smirked and twisted his wrist quickly, letting go of Keith’s fist and grabbing his arm, yanking him under Kuron. Kuron slammed his weight down on Keith effectively to the floor.

Keith tried to break free from his grip, but Kuron grabbed his other arm and twisted it behind his back quickly, letting go with his metal hand and then holding it in a knife motion to the side of Keith’s neck, the younger man only stilling when he felt the metal digits press into his sweaty flesh.

Kuron chuckled weakly, breathless as he felt sweat all across his dampened skin. “That’s two out of four.” He said, voice heavy and raspy.

Keith laughed softly, body twitching beneath Kuron as he did so. “I almost had you that time.”

Kuron let him go, Keith instantly rolling onto his back as he unfurled his arm, Kuron settling less than gracefully onto his bottom as he panted, hands behind him for support. “Shit, Keith…” he said, closing his eyes. “If you had proper training and discipline, you could really be a formidable opponent.” He complimented, looking at him, head tilted and smile tired.

Keith gave him a weak smile himself. “Yeah well, your fighting is really a mixed version yourself, and you’re basically honed for battle. Not al of us are as lucky.”

Kuron chuckled. “That is where you’re wrong. As a Galra, you are also basically bred for battle as well.”

Keith’s smile melted away and he forced himself into an upright position, legs outstretched. “What do you mean?”

Kuron blinked, startled. He wiped his brow with sweat, momentarily going over everything Shiro knew that Keith understood about Galra beyond ‘purple aliens’ and ‘bad’. “Well, what have you been told?” he asked, opening his eyes again to look over Keith’s expressions carefully.

Keith instantly looked down, the steel purple of his eyes closing off. “Not much. The Blade of Marmora haven’t exactly had the time to help me figure out where the knife came from, and I haven’t exactly had time to really trace its origin in more detail.” He said, picking at the gloves on his hands. He seemed to hesitate, as if contemplating.

Kuron waited for him, not wanting to interrupt him. Keith’s eyes flickered to him before he looked down, speaking again. “During the trial I took, I saw a vision of my dad. He said that my mom would come and explain everything if I stayed there with him. I left instead.” He murmured softly.

Kuron let those words sink in. Keith had all but been thrust into the knowledge of his new heritage; if he had remained on Earth, Keith never might have found out who he really was.

He thought a few moments and then said slowly, “So you never really learned anything about the Galra?” he asked gently. “Things beyond what you could use in battle?”

Keith shrugged, still not meeting his eyes, pulling his knees up now. Kuron knew that now was not a good time for a complete Galra heritage lesson, so instead he murmured, “Galra are born fighters. The term victory or death isn’t just for show. They have always had to strive for survival.” He said gently. “I meant it as a compliment to you, Keith. You’re a natural born fighter.” He said.

The clone suddenly reached over and ruffled Keith’s messy hair, the younger man yelping and ducking his head a little before looking at Kuron, a smile faintly tugging at his lips.

Kuron gave him a happy smile. “Don’t let it get you down, Keith.” He teased. He pulled away, standing back up despite his muscles screaming in protest. “Come on, one more round just to see which of us can break faster?” He asked.

Keith stared up at him, eyes wide and curious but also almost startled. He slowly grinned and got up. “I suppose so.” He said, grinning. “But we both know it’s me. Being the former Red Paladin, pilot of the Red Lion, the fastest lion of Voltron and all.” He said casually, stepping into a stance.

Kuron smirked, feeling easiness flow through him. Being with Keith was the closest that he had ever come to just being able to simple _be_. It was easy to forget that his memories and thoughts of the past were his and his alone. As if he had truly been the one that Keith had been looking for that day that he had found the Black Lion. It was almost as if he was Shiro.

Almost as if Kuron was Keith’s.

Blinking and feeling his cheeks heat at that thought, Kuron let his eyes drop and that was a mistake.

Keith flew at him, aiming a blow and Kuron exhaled sharply as the blow landed on his side. He quickly brought his opposite arm close to his side when Keith went to land another blow.

He jumped when Keith dropped, leg slicing through the air where he had been just a heartbeat earlier. Kuron landed light and stayed on his toes as he turned, gaining speed as he swiped an arm at Keith, the blow landing on Keith’s shoulder.

Keith winced slightly and Kuron froze.

A cry of pain ripped through his head. A determined face. A knife held up uselessly. A wound ripped open by a gleaming luxite blade.

Keith gripped his arm, eyes blazing and kicked Kuron’s center. Kuron felt the air rush from him, doubling over. He suddenly felt a weight on his back and as he rose, he realized that Keith had one leg slung over his shoulders, grabbing onto him.

Kuron flushed at the position, hands coming up to grab Keith’s thighs as Keith swung his other leg over, as Kuron straightened both of Keith’s legs wrapped around his neck. “Kei-“

Keith turned away rapidly, throwing his weight backward and Kuron’s forwards into a dive.

Kuron’s back slammed into the ground, and he used the momentum to throw himself back onto his feet, turning.

Keith was going at him again, fist drawn back.

Kuron felt determination pulse through him, and moving quickly, he went at Keith, threading his arm into Keith’s and twisting it behind his back again. Keith cried out, mostly from frustration rather than pain. Keith tried to throw himself back, but Kuron moved quicker, using his bulk and threw them to the ground once more, twisting Keith’s arm from the shoulder, the limb extended now. Keith slammed into the ground again, his free hand catching himself the only thing keeping his face meeting the ground.

Kuron pressed into him, one leg braced and bent, the other extended and helping him push, still holding onto Keith’s arm just enough force to bruise but not actually harm.

Keith panted, even as Kuron controlled his breathing, staring at the wild mop of hair.

He felt his own heartbeat rushing, but it wasn’t from exertion. He could feel the ache in his back from when Keith had thrown him to the floor, and his body was beginning to feel tiredness creep in from their extensive sparring from before. He could handle it; he had been trained and he had physical advantages over Keith.

Keith’s panting snapped him from the insides of his head and the smaller man smirked weakly as he side eyed Kuron. “You don’t have to throw me to the floor every time.” He joked weakly.

Kuron chuckled darkly, looking at Keith. “But what fun would that be?” he shot back. “I still have to keep you in place, remind you of…” he trailed away, feeling a faint heat creep through his face as his smile faded. Just staring.

Keith’s cheeks were flushed, hair curtaining most of his elegant face. Eyes dark, even from the small glimpse of them that Kuron had. Sweat made his pale skin shine, hair curling where it had stuck to his forehead and sides of his face. Kuron felt the heat in his face grow. He remembered what had happened a few nights ago; the desperation of Keith’s fingers over his skin as they kissed. The expression on his face, like he couldn’t believe something, like he was unused to being wanted.

He suddenly let go of Keith and relaxed his posture. He drew his knees together in a crouch as he wiped his brow, closing his eyes to compose himself. Opening them again, he gave Keith a weak smile. “You’re too wild, Keith. You’re well trained and fast, I’ll give you that.”

Keith sat up himself, rolling his shoulder, eyes startled. Kuron continued, keeping an easy smile, “If you could discipline your movements and learn to search within a second, you might actually be able to pin me more than twice out of five times.”

Kuron stood, offering him a hand. Keith smiled weakly and swatted it away as he stood by himself. That smile made Kuron’s insides twist. He vaguely understood that Keith was thanking him and going to hit the showers, watching him leave.

Kuron remained standing where he had ended up, watching him leave. It wasn’t hard to see the longing written on his face as he stared after Keith.

For one moment, Kuron had been just Kuron. Takashi Shirogane didn’t exist. Keith’s smile was all for him. Had been since the day that they had met in the Galaxy Garrison years ago. He had been the man who returned Keith’s affections, someone who had been foolish enough to actually act on his feelings for Keith. For one small moment, Kuron had been Keith’s. It was such a strange feeling, but that moment was ripped away.

Kuron sighed as he ran his hand over his short hair. He pushed his feelings aside, but in his head he could hear Shiro’s thoughts. _Stay away from Keith._

The worst part was, he could no longer tell if it was Shiro’s memory or some twisted warning directed at Kuron. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned, footsteps moving quickly from the training room. He needed to sleep, needed to escape his head. He just needed to escape.

~*~

Kuron cried out as he was yanked from a dream, heartbeat pounding in his ears, eyes wide and a fresh layer of sweat making his sleep shirt stick to him and his cropped forelock stick to his forehead. Gulping air desperately, Kuron looked around with frantic eyes, registering the soft blue of the Castle of Lions.

Blue. A gentle, light blue, like a new beginning or the skies on Earth.

Not the harsh purple that held a tight grip over his psyche. Not the glaring, sharp features in the darkness. Not the terror that easily pulses through him, from both his and Shiro’s memories.

He takes deep breaths to calm himself, closing his eyes tightly as he scrubs a hand over his face. That dream… something about it had been too real. Too much like a warning. He couldn’t remember the exact details. Just the purple lights of a Galra corridor around him, a flash of blood splattering the walls, and a growl rumbling in the back of his head.

Kuron shook his head, opening his eyes to avoid reliving the experience. It wasn’t a memory. It was…. It was just a dream. A nightmare. Nothing to worry about. Kuron forces himself to breathe as evenly as he possibly could, the blood pounding in his ears ever so slowly becoming much more steady.

Just a dream.

Just a dream.

He glances around the room and he remembers Keith and him talking for the first time. How tired he felt, how his training was slowly catching up to him as he recounted his journey through space to Keith, how he knew he had to make Keith believe him, how he had to be _him_. It had changed so much since that moment. That choice Kuron had made would forever effect him. He was a traitor to the Galra Empire now, and he knew that his betrayal alone would make him a target, his allegiance to Voltron aside.

But if he had been given the chance, Kuron knew that he wouldn’t change his mind or regret what he had done. Shiro had influenced him, yes, but at the same time Kuron knew that it was becomes of exposure. He had the chance to see for his own eyes what the Galra Empire wanted him to snuff out, and he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t take away hope from the universe; he couldn’t take hope from Allura and Coran who had already lost too much; he couldn’t take hope away from Lance, Pidge or Hunk, who were all waiting for their families; he couldn’t even take hope away from Shiro, who just wanted to keep people safe from what he had been through.

Kuron couldn’t take life from Keith.

The rare smile on his face, the fire in his eyes, the pure spirit that radiated from Keith. He couldn’t take away just how unbreakable Keith was.

He looked up sharply as alarms began to go off, the blue flashing red in warning.

Throwing the blankets aside and dressing quickly, Kuron shoved himself from his room. He felt guilty for feeling a little relieved that he had a distraction from the nightmares and the thoughts spiraling in his head. He got to the bridge around the same time as Hunk, nodding to him as they went inside, meeting Keith, Allura, and Lance, waiting for Coran and Pidge. “What’s happening?” Hunk asked, voice a little fumbled from sleep.

Allura glanced at them, her and Keith already in Paladin armor. “Galra ship approaching us. We are hailing a surrender frequency, but they are warming up their weapons now.” Shiro glanced at the monitor as Allura brought up a screen that showed exactly that. Kuron frowned, eyes scanning the ship before he noticed detailing on the hull. He frowned and squinted at it before he felt his blood run cold.

“Allura… could you zoom in on the hull, right there?” he asked, pointing. He heard the doors behind them open, signaling that Pidge and Coran had arrived.

Allura frowned but did so, enlarging the Galra script. She looked at him again as did Keith. Kuron felt his blood run cold and his eyes widened. “That’s the ship they held me on.” He breathed. He could feel the shift in the air instantly, alarm filling the space between. He kept his eyes glued on the identification tag, feeling six pairs of eyes burning into him from all sides. 

Allura was the first to break the silence, practically snarling, “I knew that we shouldn’t have trusted you! You sent a signal to them, didn’t you-“

Kuron tensed, looking at her, raising one arm as if to defend himself physically from her anger. “No! I swear, I haven’t had any contact with the Galra!”

The furious princess gestured to the ship. “Then how did this specific ship find us-“

“Allura!” Lance snapped, looking at her. “Kuron has only offered us help since he joined us, and you’re now accusing him of being a double agent!” He reminded.

She looked at Lance. “How do you explain this then!”

Kuron spoke, defending himself. “They have specific manifests and routes! The ship has been coming across them for months, it was only a matter of time before you ran into another one!”

Allura opened her mouth to protest but Keith changed the subject. “Is this where they made you?” His voice was softer than Kuron had expected and he glanced at Keith.

He hesitated and looked down. “Maybe. I don’t know if they moved me between ships, but this is the one that I was held in before I escaped and went to find you.” He hesitated and glanced at Keith. “It was also the last place I saw another Shiro. I don’t know if it was him or a dead clone...” he trailed away, hearing Hunk gasp and Lance exclaim, but his eyes stayed on Keith as he saw his eyes widen.

“You knew there was a possibility he was there and you didn’t tell me!” Keith yelled, clearly upset. The other Paladins were staring at them, and Kuron could practically feel the questions that their eyes were drilling into the two of them.

Kuron flinched, turning to face Keith and his wrath fully now. “Keith, I just said I wasn’t sure if it was him or not; I didn’t want to give you false hope-”

“You _knew_ and you said nothing!” Keith yelled, eyes furious now. Despite the hurt, the raw anger, Kuron could see tears within them. “Why! Were you so scared of us finding him, were you still following orders and keeping him from us!” He demanded, approaching him.

Kuron felt fury spark through him and he yelled back, taking a step at Keith. “I didn’t want you to get hurt if it turned out to not be him!”

“But it could be him!” Keith yelled, voice dripping with desperation and rage, hands shaking in fists by his side. “I’ve been wasting so much time looking for him, and only to find out that you know where he is? You know! And you didn’t tell!” Keith yelled, getting closer.

“What if it turned out to be a failed clone! What if it was dead and the trail ended there, Keith!” Kuron tried to reason, his voice matching Keith’s. “You have to stay focused on the mission, Voltron comes first! Shiro wouldn’t want you to waste time chasing dead leads like you did for so long-”

Keith closed his eyes tightly. “You’re not Shiro, so _stop making choices for us like you’re him!”_

Silence fell over the bridge and Kuron couldn’t find his voice, breath stuck in his throat. It would have been better if the leader of Votlron had just struck him.  He stared at Keith, the leader glaring at Kuron. There was no trace of the already fragile companionship that the two had built in their time together, no light and laugh from when they had sparred just not a fw hours ago. Kuron could feel numbness spreading through him and he looked down as Keith turned back to Allura.

He spoke, voice shaking a little. “We’re going there and looking. Even if there is nothing, Pidge,“ he turned to look at the Green Paladin, “you hack in and get your hands on _everything_ in their systems. Communications, plans, video data – I want it all.” He said. There was an edge of danger, sharp as a knife, as he spoke. Keith was a man on a mission and no one would stop him. _Triumph or death_. 

Lance spoke carefully now, hesitant. “Keith, we can’t just barrel in there. Remember the last time we did something reckless like that?” He was trying to reason with Keith now.

Kuron didn’t hear Hunk or Pidge, their voices slowly fading as Keith’s words replayed in his head. Keith had done so much to try and show that he didn’t see Kuron as Shiro, that Kuron was his own person. He had admitted something close to this the night that Kuron had made his choice, that he didn’t care that he wasn’t Shiro.

He looked at Keith finally, watching as the Paladins gathered by the consoles, making plans. He noticed the distance between him and them, and he had never felt further away. A gentle touch on his shoulder brought him back, making him jump a little as he turned to Coran. The older man gave him a sympathetic look, and Kuron felt a little bit of relief go through him. Coran understood his reasons at least, or knew that Keith had crossed a line. Either way, it soothed the blow a little bit.

Kuron looked down again as the team approached their chutes to get to their lions. Kuron refused to look up, even as he felt eyes on him. The Paladins disappeared and he took a deep breath, looking at Coran. “Let’s give them some support, shall we?” he said, trying to keep his voice light and failing.

Coran nodded. “Good man! Let’s get to it then! Is there any additional information you can tell us about the ship?”

Kuron shuddered, remembering his screams. He wondered if they had echoed in the hallways, if any Galra had grinned sadistically when hearing him. He remembered the liquid in the tank, burning his lungs, burning up-

“Kuron?”

The clone snapped his head up, startled out of the daze. He hadn’t even realized what was going on until he saw Coran looking at him from his control system, the Paladins on a split screen as they flew in their lions. He shivered. His memories were much stronger than Shiro’s sometimes, dragging him headlong back into his mind.

He shook himself and went to Coran’s side. “The ship is heavily guarded by sentries the last time I was there. There were a few scientists on board as well, but other than that it’s a ship mostly used for research… and the program that created me.” Kuron said, keeping his voice even. He had to put emotion aside for this, especially if he wanted the team to come back.

Pidge spoke up. “Do you remember any details about where they held you specifically? Like, levels to the hangar, or droid patterns?”

Kuron frowned, trying to remember. His escape was so hazy… he closed his eyes trying to remember. “Kuron.” Lance prompted, a little impatient as they got closer to the ship.

“I-I don’t remember. I wasn’t completely lucid by that time.” Kuron admitted, looking back at the others. He noticed that Lance and Pidge gave him occasional glances while Allura and Keith were staring ahead, focused on guiding their lions rather than anything else. His eyes lingered over Keith’s face for a moment, but he didn’t comment. He spoke again, trying to focus. “I-I remember that I was sort of wandering… I didn’t remember much and I had this weird headache..” he murmured, touching the side of his head on reflex.

Pidge nodded. “That’s okay; the Galra really messed with your head when they were implementing Shiro’s memories. Just keep trying. Any details you can think of will be really appreciated.”

Kuron nodded. “I’ll keep at it.” He said softly.

Keith’s voice cut through, making Kuron wince. “Be sure that you do. Shiro depends on this.”

Kuron said nothing as the lions approached the ship. None of the canons were firing, and he frowned. This was an important ship… why would they not attack?

Hunk spoke up. “Um… so do we just park the lions in their hangar?” No fighters were deployed.

Keith frowned, seeing the inactivity as well. Kuron frowned, glancing at the scanners. He frowned, not detecting anything on Coran’s systems. “No fighters… Keith, I don’t like-”

“You stay quiet!” Keith snapped. “We’re seeing this through.” He hit Black’s controls, making the massive lion go forwards. Kuron frowned as he heard Black give an approving snarl, going towards the ship. The Black Lion sensed something on that ship… something wrong. Kuron could tell, this was almost too… staged.

Keith and the others landed their lions and emerged from them with their bayards at the ready, but suddenly there was silence. Coran frowned. “What’s wrong? Princess?”

“Sorry, Coran.” Allura’s voice echoed around them. “Switching to helmet cameras?” She asked, voice more or less directed to the others, since Coran didn’t answer and Kuron didn’t want to mess with anything (he didn’t know Coran’s station too well, and the last time he had pushed a wrong button he had been given a really oddly scary death glare from the Altean advisor.

Keith’s camera flickered to life, everyone’s following shortly after. No sentries, no guards, and even only a few scattered fighters were in the hangar where the Paladins had touched down. Kuron tensed, eyes widening a little. He remembered the number of sentries he had to destroy just to get to the hangar, much less how many were inside once he had reached it. To see this specific ship so abandoned, especially after such a dramatic release and given its precious cargo…

Kuron pressed the mute button for his and Coran’s side of the comm. He looked at him worriedly. “I don’t like this.” He murmured to Coran. “It’s too easy, this was not how I left that ship.” He growled, fists clenching. A strong desire ripped through him; a desire to defend. To protect.

Coran nodded. “I do not like it either… but there is little we can do. We certainly do not have any of the lions, and not much more weapons beyond the castle itself.” Coran pointed out.

Kuron frowned. “…do we still have working pods?” he asked, pushing himself up.

Coran frowned, flicking his moustache. “Of course we do! We have to keep them in the Castle just in case of emergen- where are you going?” he called as Kuron jogged out of the bridge, the doors hissing behind him. He had a faint idea and while he knew Kuron’s heart was in the right place, he prayed that the boy would not be needed. After all, it was only a matter of time before a living weapon turned on even those who handled it with care.

Kuron walked swiftly, but as he did, he realized that he was passing the Paladin’s armory. He hesitated and looked down at his civies and then back at the door to the armory.

~*~

Kuron may not have dealt with spacecraft for long, but he was lucky that he had been trained by both the Galra - who were impressive pilots on their own – and Shiro, the legendary pilot of the Galaxy Garrison of Earth, and pilot of the Black Lion of Voltron.

Kuron found it almost effortless to fly the small Altean craft to the Galra cruiser, landing it alongside the lions and deeper into the hangar. The Paladins had already branched away from the hangar, going to investigate. Coran had covered for him thus far, claiming he had left (and maybe had hinted that Keith’s words had been the reason) but he knew he couldn’t hide his presence on the ship much longer.

He looked around at the familiar purple glow and he felt fear shoot down his spine, making his senses heighten. This place… his screams of panic and agony echoed in the space around him, and he shook himself before he looked around. “Coran, which way?” he asked. His voice sounded weird, blocked by the helmet of the Black Paladin armor.

“Head towards the bridge by the second doors, and then make a second left. Kuron nodded, going to the doors specified.

“Wait, Kuron. Are you – did you sneak onto the ship?” Lance’s voice reverberated through his head, making his eyes twitched around for a moment before he had to remind himself that Lance wasn’t right next to him, that he was with the others.

“Yeah, if you can call it sneaking when the front door is practically left open.” He said dryly, a faint tugging at his lips to hide his amusement.

The amusement tapered off instantly when Keith’s voice came. “What? I told you, we are seeing this through.” His voice was softer, not yelling, but still angry. Kuron knew that Keith probably regretted what he was saying by now, but he had to focus on the mission at this point. Kuron didn’t blame him exactly.

He frowned, looking around the corridors. “I know, I’m not here to stop you. There is just something so wrong about this. It’s too easy…”

Pidge spoke quickly before Keith could argue with him. “Well, maybe your memory could be triggered simply by being in the same place. Anything ring a bell?”

Kuron glanced around. “No, not yet. I… I remember that the research facility was a little bit of ways from the hangar though, it was a… it was a long fight.” He said, staring into the darkness ahead of him. It was like he could still see the sentries in front of him, racing forwards, their weapons trained on him. He forced himself to focus, frowning. He had a mission, he had to stay on track. “I’ll try to find it, maybe I can guide you from there by tracking my signal?”

“Track your – how would we track your signal?” Lance asked. “You’re not exactly wearing armor that… we could…”

Kuron kept silent, glancing around the corridors, trying to go through reverse muscle memory. That might be his only way through these halls.

“Oh quiznak, you’re wearing Shiro’s armor.” Lance deadpanned. He heard a sharp inhale that had to have been Allura or Keith, but he couldn’t _afford_ this right now!

“Yes, because my civies aren’t exactly issued to be durable during space travel, even if it is for a short distance.” He said.

He remembered the suit that he had worn when he was searching for them, but he couldn’t bring himself to put it on. It smelled, and he hadn’t… Kuron wasn’t as strong as Shiro when it came to his own trauma. He still hadn’t remembered who and what he really was at that point, he had been so convinced that he really was Shiro, that he had to find his team. But to think he had gone through all of that to replicate the trauma in Shiro’s brain, to bring fresh suffering into his life so he could truly connect with Shiro’s head… the Galra were twisted.

“Look, I didn’t exactly have many other options, and I’m here in the armor right now. Focus.” He said shortly. _You’re not Shiro!_ Kuron knew that. He looked around as he came to a crossroads, trying to focus. He took a deep breath. The answers lay in his head, he would have to go into it. He frowned, and closed his eyes. Determined, he reminded himself that he was safe in the tangible world. That his memories only held residual pain.

He thought backwards. Right to the moment he opened his eyes, pushing himself from that table. He focused on the details he needed, trying to pick through the haze. He frowned, remembering… he turned to the left and sprinted down the hallway, looking around. It had to be around here somewhere. He kept his memory fresh, eyes darting around for the details he had seen in his rush. He could almost see himself fighting down the opposite way, desperate for that confusing freedom.

“Kuron? You’re heading away from the others, what’s going on?” Coran asked. “Did you remember something?”

“I think so, I’m still working it out.” Kuron admitted, voice a little breathless from the running. “I think that the detention level had been modified as a lab for the ship, to avoid detection of special construction.” He said slowly. “They didn’t have… they wouldn’t keep prisoners near just in case of rebellion attacks.” He said slowly, remembering and putting together the pieces of mutterings among scientists as well as going over what he knew of Galra military strategy and just plain common sense.

“Detention level?” Pidge asked. “I think I can find that, if this place is anything like Sendak’s ship-“

“What was that?” Lance interrupted, and he sounded startled.

Hunk tensed. “What, what did you hear!” he asked, and from the sound Kuron could hear over the coms, the Yellow Paladin had activated his bayard. In fact, it sounded like a few of them activated their bayards; Kuron could hear the distinct sound of Keith’s black sword elongating, the elegant blade matching Keith’s fighting style.

Kuron slowed, glanced around himself just in case. “What, what did you hear?” he asked.

“I don’t know, it was kinda like footsteps, but kinda not also. Just some noise.” Lance said, a little distracted as he scouted the area around them with his rifle.

“Oh wow, gee Lance, could you be any more non specific?” Pidge snapped, clearly on edge as well.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s not like I have supersonic hearing and know an exact catalog of all the space noises-“

“Pidge, stop egging him on, please.” Keith snapped.

Kuron smiled weakly to himself. It was an odd moment to smile, he supposed, but it was moments like this that he remembered the Paladins were much younger than they seemed. Hardened and grown by their experience as defenders of the universe, the trials life had put them through… Kuron felt his stomach twist and shoved the thoughts aside. “Guys, focus. Lance, are you sure that you didn’t just hear the metal of the ship?” he asked.

“No, I distinctly heard something that sounded like it could be footsteps. Like, you know, not ours because it was lighter.” Lance said, voice having a hint of annoyance that was clearly directed at his teammates.

Kuron frowned, and he opened his mouth to answer when he rounded the corner and the air left his lungs. He made a sound like he was being strangled, breath catching in his throat, horrified at what he saw.

“Kuron? Kuron, what’s wrong!” Keith demanded, a hint of worry creeping into his voice.

Kuron panted. “J-Just one… oh quiznak.” He groaned, looking away, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. “I-It’s a body…” he whispered. “It’s another subject from Operation Kuron.” He managed to get out. He couldn’t… it was broken and unrecognizable.

“What? How do you know?” Keith demanded, Kuron not mistaking the hint of desperation in his voice.

“It’s not him, Keith. I remember this one…” he swallowed thickly, forcing himself to look once more. He knew that face very well. It was his own.

Another clone, face like his, body slumped against the wall of the corridor. His skin was stripped through with purple, even his hair was violet where the striped disappeared into the hairline. His eyes were closed, and Kuron knew that even despite the defects of this one mentally, he would not have been a good replacement for Shiro as Kuron was. His physical appearance didn’t meet the criteria. Kuron approached slowly, looking. There was a single terrible wound in the clone’s side, a hole that was bloody and… singed. Kuron frowned and looked at his metal hand. He hesitated and then angled it, making the hand into a taunt knife-hand shape and lined it up with the hole.

A perfect fit.

Kuron tensed. He stood. “Keith, this clone has been killed b-by…” he couldn’t say it. It scared him. He felt his breathing begin to rapidly increase, making him quiver and feel lightheaded.

_“Kuron?”_

The voice beside him was different. Far away. No, it wasn’t beside him, even as it yelled his name, no one was beside him except for the other Kuron, dead.

Alone, alone, alone, killer _traitor, monster, Kuron, clone-_

“Kuron!” Keith’s voice broke thrugh and Kuron inhaled sharply.

“K-Keith, I’m here…” He said, closing his eyes tightly, trying to ground himself. What was wrong with him today? He was supposed to be the one who was saving them, protecting them. Not… not this. He stood. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry. Now, what did you see.” Keith said carefully. He needed the answer, he needed Kuron’s information.

“Another clone, Keith. He was killed with… either a very precise Galra laser blast or… or a superheated metal arm.” He said, standing and looking the way that he had come from. He had never been so happy for the bright purple lights, his adjusted eyes slicing through to see none of the shadows were moving.

 Pidge spoke, voice barely above a breath. “Like Shiro’s arm…”

Kuron nodded, despite no one seeing him. “I’m doubling back to meet you, hold position.”

“But if Shiro is here-“

“Keith.” Kuron interrupted, voice firm and uncompromising. “Shiro isn’t here. If he was, we would have found a clue to him somehow. Or we would have heard the Black Lion too.” He pointed out. He remembered the few moments of clarity he had from when Keith had found him. The roars that resounded through his soul, echoing and multiplying. There had been no roar like that from the depths of the ship, reaching for Shiro.

Keith was silent and he let out a shaky sight and Kuron could just imagine his expression right now. Head down, eyes closed, hand a fist to his side, sword relaxed.

“Keith.” Lance said gently, and Kuron began to walk back the way he had come. He paused, hesitating.

 _That could have been you._  

He felt his face twist into sympathy, glancing back at the body. Staring at his face. He took a deep breath and turned, walking away again.  

 _It might be you one day_.

Kuron turned the walk into a jog as he went, forcing himself to face forwards. “I’m heading your way now.” He called.

“Okay, we are doubling back to the Lions.” Keith said, voice much more subdued. Kuron wanted nothing more than to be right in front of him now, give Keith a target for his grief. It was all his fault anyways. If Operation Kuron had never come to fruition… Keith would still have strong hope, fresh and bright and brilliant. If Operation Kuron had never come to fruition-

“ _Keith_!” Came Hunk’s cry of alarm and Kuron tensed as he heard shots coming from Hunk’s bayard canon.

Kuron tensed and stopped when he came to a fork in his corridor. “Keith? Hunk! _Lance!_ ” He yelled. They were shouting orders to each other, the sound of gunfire over the comms and then a grunt of pain from Allura. Kuron tensed, looking between the two corridors. They needed him. His memory, always instrusive, was oddly unhelpful as he frantically went for the knowledge.

“Guys!” he yelled again. No one answered. He swore, and looked around. “Coran, can you give me any details!” He snapped into the com.

“Sorry, Kuron, but no. The scanners can only go a few corridors deep through all of that metal. I would need strong vibrations that are connected to the castle systems in order to-“

Kuron never heard the rest of Coran’s statement. There was suddenly a furious roar right into his ears, and with a startled and pained cry, Kuron ripped his helmet from his head, the roar coming from within his head he realized. He covered his ears by pure instinct, despite the echoing roar in his head. Gritting his teeth, he tried to focus and frowned, feeling like that roar…. It was coming from one direction in particular. He blinked a few times, his vision… something was… he rubbed his eyes, and opened them again, his eyes suddenly focusing. The purple haze was sharper, and he could suddenly see the brightness in distinct detail.

Flashes coming down from the other corridor, much like Lance’s rifle or Hunk’s canon.

Kuron got back to his feet and he sprinted towards the sight, his vision going back to normal, the flashes growing noticeable now that he knew what to look for.

He turned, and tensed, and for one moment, Kuron was frozen.

A clone, a perfect clone, was there, still in Galra prison garb, bringing his hand down on Keith’s shield. He reached and grabbed his arm with his flesh hand and threw the Red Paladin right at Allura, the two of them being thrown to the ground with a cry as they slammed into each other.

The clone hissed, holding his metal arm up as Lance fired at him, blocking the bullets like they were merely bee stings. He swung his head and Lance balked for one moment.

Pidge charged. The clone snarled, and dove swiftly, hand a shade too bright as it charged Pidge, going to the right, then left to evade Pidge before it swept Pidge’s legs out from under the Green Paladin. It stood, ignoring Hunk’s canon blasts _landing squarely on its back_. It raised its hand, and Kuron snarled, and sprinted into the room and tackled the clone.

“Kuron!”

Kuron ignored Keith’s cry; he spun as they rolled, hooking his arm around the clone’s neck and throwing him over him and to the wall. The clone slammed into the metal and crumpled to the floor, snarling and glaring at Kuron. He was a perfect clone, but now Kuron could see why they had to choose him over this ruthless killer.

His eyes were glowing yellow. Too Galra to blend in.

He smirked slowly, looking right into Kuron’s narrowed eyes. “Ah, little brother.” He hissed, his voice so like Shiro’s – so like Kuron’s – it was eerie. “You’ve aligned yourself to them? Just like our brother, Shiro?” he laughed.

Kuron grit his teeth. “And you let yourself become twisted, like the witch.”

The clone laughed, getting to his knees as he threw his head back. “Me? Twisted? You’re the one whose got everything twisted.” He looked at Kuron, head tilted. “What was borrowed?” He giggled, displaying canine teeth too sharp for human genetics.

He suddenly surged forwards, and slashed his metal hand across Kuron’s chest plate, and for one moment, he was grateful for the armor encasing him before his clone spun and kicking him in the stomach. The wind knocked out of him, Kuron’s body bowed with the blow, sending him back, slamming into the metal.

Kuron saw a blur of red and pink as Allura and Keith ran to the clone. Allura snapped her glowing blue whip out, wrapping it tightly around the clone’s chest and upper arms. She yanked it taught, and strained, Keith waiting for an opening. It began to yell, struggling before it wrapped its metal wrist in the whip and threw its weight back, dragging Allura back as well, the princess crying out in surprise.

The clone rolled and got into a crouching position as the whip loosened around its body. it smirked and charged.

Keith was suddenly between it and the princess with a fierce yell, shield from one gauntlet, black sword in the other which he slashed, level with the clone’s clavicle.

The clone was smart enough to throw its weight back, somewhat haphazardly. It snarled, and smirked, looking at Keith as the leader gave Allura a second to recover.

Suddenly, the golden gleam vanished, leaving behind scared grey eyes. It spoke, voice not as twisted and Kuron’s heart sank, getting to his feet quickly.

“Keith, don’t! I-It’s me!” The clone said, using Shiro’s voice pleadingly. It took a step to him, even as Kuron saw Keith’s shoulders tense. “Keith, make it stop, they’ve done terrible things!”

Kuron grabbed Keith’s and Allura’s arms and yanked them back, the two of them dumbstruck.

The clone suddenly grabbed something from under his over shirt. He tensed, recognizing it the weapon at hand.

A collection of tiny glass pellets were released from the clone’s hand at alarming spead..

Kuron saw red. “No!”

Blood pounded in his ears, deafening him as his vision tunneled once more.  He snapped his metal hand across his chest and activated his metal arm for the first time in weeks.

He shot forward, faster than he thought possible, and he threw himself between the clone and the Paladins. It threw the pellets at the ground, and a thick gas sprang from them and Kuron could smell it. Nauseating, and it made his nostrils burn, but he slashed his hand through it, the superheated metal acting as a catalyst, and behind it and spreading through, the gas set itself on fire as he charged the clone.

The clone, startled by his actiong, could barely raise its own hand in defense, before Kuron snarled, free hand landing a blow across its face.

It snarled, and swung its own free hand around, wrapping around Kuron’s neck, punishing.

Kuron gripped the clone and rolled them, pinning the genetic being beneath him. He raised a hand, the purple turning sheer white as he turned straightened out his fist.

The clone’s eyes went wide and it screamed. “What was borrowed!”

Kuron drove the hand straight into the clone’s torso, trying not to be sick at the feeling of the hand melting the muscle, sinew and skin beneath him. He glared at the clone as its eyes went dead, the golden light dying. He finally felt the blood in his ears slowing, vision losing the red he saw, and becoming a little hazy and purple. He carefully withdrew his hand, shaking.

He crawled off the body, panting as the stayed on his knees. He couldn’t look at the Paladins. This wasn’t their first brush with death, but it may have been the first one that they had to do directly with killing directly in front of them.

He vaguely heard growling, or was that rumbling or was that ringing… he turned, looking as Lance and Allura grabbed his flesh arm, yelling and yanking him to his feet. He stumbled as they dragged him upwards, away from the body. He glanced back, ears ringing.

_What was borrowed._

_It will be you one day_.

Kuron was tugged into an open space, into the hangar when his body finally snapped out of whatever trance that he had fallen into after killing the clone.

Suddenly, the coldness of the metal ship around him had him pushing his way out of Allura and Lance’s arms, and he stumbled away, coughing and dry heaving, his stomach empty and shivering. He stood there. Panting. Eyes wide. Horrified.

He had a vague flash of what he had just done, but beneath him it was Keith-

He screwed his eyes shut and jumped away when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up sharply into Keith’s face, covered by his helmet. Everyone was behind them, watching worriedly, but they were colorful blurs instead of the crystal clear picture he saw of Keith’s face. He felt eyes on him, drilling and demanding and powerful. But only Keith’s eyes mattered.

 _It will be you one day, Kuron_.

~*~

The medbay was colder than Shiro remembered. Kuron didn’t exactly need a healing pod, but because of his exposure to the gas from his lack of a helmet as well as his physical reaction to his… execution of the other Kuron clone, Keith had rushed him to the medical bay and Kuron really didn’t have anywhere to stand when he tried to protest it. He was just so… shocked.

Kuron heard Coran and Keith talking, and he tried not to think about what exactly they were speaking of.

“That gas may have been a biological weapon, Keith. But without anything to compare Kuron’s stats to, I can’t give anything definitive and he is perfectly alright right now, according to the castle systems…”

Keith had his arms crossed, changed back into civilian clothes. “So… no idea what that gas could have been? He was right in the middle of it…”

Coran kept talking to Keith, but the words turned numb to Kuron’s ears. He frowned, remembering the dead clone he had discovered, the words the rampaging clone had cried.

_What was borrowed!_

Everything about Kuron was borrowed. His memories, his looks, his genetics, even the damned scar cutting across his face was borrowed. Nothing about Kuron was original. But why was the clone making such a big deal about it. How… how had he lost control, enough to make even the Galr abandon ship? Would Kuron’s own mind deteriorate in such a state?

A weight suddenly settled onto the bed beside him, Kuron glancing over at Keith as he looked at Kuron with a carefully guarded expression.

Kuron looked back down at his shoes. “I know I’m not him.” He said quietly, suddenly. “But, I do genuinely care about you, Keith. I wanted you all safe. I never meant to keep it a secret from you about where I had bene kept.”

Keith tensed beside him. “Kuron-“

“No, Keith, its okay. I get it.” Kuron turned his hands towards himself, looking at his palms. “Everything about me is him and everyone misses him and wishes that you had found him that day and not me. I know that. I’ve accepted it.” He finally turned to look at Keith with a sad smile. “It’s okay.”

Keith sighed. “No, it’s not. I never should have said what I did to you, and I never want you to believe that I regret finding you. Even for my anger, that was way out of line.” He looked into Kuron’s eyes. “You are your own person. Ever since you admitted you weren’t him, ever since the moment that you told me your name…” Keith took a deep shuddering breath. “You two are different. I don’t want you to feel like I’m comparing you to him ever.”

Kuron smiled weakly, looking at Keith. “I compare us all the time. And I know how special he is to you Keith, I know how difficult my very presence has been for you.”

Keith watched him, looking like he desperately wanted to say something, but Kuron just kept speaking. “A-And I know you’re special to him to. In fact, it was because of him that I realized that I had fallen in love with you. Shiro’s memories of you were so powerful that they influenced me so deeply, shaping me away from the person that the Galra had wanted me to be.” He laughed bitterly.

“In a small way, his love for you protected you from me.” Kuron chuckled spitefully, rubbing his eyes to suppress the familiar sting behind them.

Keith was frozen, eyes wide as he looked at Kuron. Kuron slowly frowned. “Keith?”

Keith swallowed thickly and looked away. “I… I hadn’t thought about it that way.” He said carefully, clearly overcome with another emotion. Kuron frowned and wanted to press but Keith spoke quickly. “But you are still your own person, Kuron. You should never be afraid that you wouldn’t be good enough for me or for the team. You’re earning a spot here, one that Shiro never had.”

Kuron sighed and looked down. He felt Keith press into his side and he instantly wraped an arm around him eve as Keith wrapped his own arms around him in turn.

“I’m not Shiro.” He whispered.

Keith nodded into his chest. “I know.”

Kuron glanced at Keith and then glanced at the floor. He knew that he should probably ask about the gas and whatever else that Keith and Coran had talked about, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He could practically feel something deep within him, tugging at every corner of who he was and reminding him that he was a reflection, a shadow, a mirage. An illusion that would last as long as he could be seen.

What is borrowed...

Keith’s weight settled onto him and he knew that the younger man had probably dozed off, as tired as he was from the emotional toll he took today as well as from manhandling Kuron around, and fighting off the deranged clone. He could exactly blame him. He shifted, holding Keith securely against him as he lay them down on the medbay cot. He had been confined there for observation during the night anyways, and he didn’t want to disturb Keith by carrying him back to his room or by waking him.

He settled down, Keith practically on top of him, head tucked under his chin, arm across his chest. Kuron rubbed his back, feeling a twinge of guilt.

He knew how much Keith had thought of Shiro in the days that the team didn’t have the fearless leader, how often Keith still thought of him now that he knew he was still out there. Kuron knew how much strength it had taken for Keith to accept his new role as the Head of Voltron, Pilot of the Black Lion. How broken Keith had felt that day. He knew that Keith and Shiro had a special bond.

But Kuron also knew that Shiro never acted on it, even when the signs of Keith’s affection for him were completely obvious.

He felt selfish himself, acting on feelings that Keith held for him simply because Shiro never returned them openly. He nuzzled the top of Keith’s head, his soft hair rubbing against his mouth. He knew that his time with Keith was limited; it was only a matter of when and how Keith and Shiro would be reunited, and then they would be right back into the thick with Kuron knowing he had no place.

But for now, he would enjoy what he could, even if it was not truly his.

A bead of sweat rolled down Kuron’s neck and he glanced up as he heard a soft beep from one of the monitors. He felt his blood run cold when he saw that one of the numbers on his temperature scanner had gone up a few increments of Altean measurement. No… no he was snuggling to Keith, the human space heater. He saw the increments go down a little and he figured that had to be true.

Kuron leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. He knew that he would never be enough for Keith. Shiro loved Keith and Keith loved Shiro. Kuron was a reflection of that, a living image in the glass. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

What was borrowed, must be returned.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [tumblr](https://tteotl1718.tumblr.com) for more Voltron and fan content as well as to check out what else I am working on!  
> Pay attention to the title of each chapter; it will give you clues as to what is going to happen!


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